Minus Two

Ahhh... (sigh of relief) my two boys are off to my in-laws for a couple of days.  When one or  more children go somewhere it changes the family dynamic. Don't get me wrong, I am a very hyper person that loves having four children.  However, it is nice to  take a little break for awhile.  We don't have a lot of volunteers offering to take all four children at once but two at a time sure I'll take it.  That even makes the sitter cheaper for just two children if we want to go out.  If you don't know it's about $13/hour for four children.  Add's up fast....

I have these visions and dreams of diving into girlie time or abandonning my two girls with a sitter for a litte while.  I would love to do pedicare/manicures with them, paint ceremics, go shopping, watch musicals, etc...   most likely we will stay home, paint our nails here, and do nothing.  Sounds good too me.

We dropped the boys off with their grandfather and then we took the girls to TOYS R'US.  Since we have four children, we rarely purchase them toys other then Christmas.  They usually recycle toys from the older sibling or play with the same toys year around until next Christmas.  Recently though K came and asked us for a new doll.  Her little babies head is literally falling off, the hair is matted and half bald, and the little body is stained with grime.  It looks like an exorcist doll (REALLY!!) .  I wanted to take S with us to get something new. However here lays the problem - S PLAYS with NOTHING!!! 

We have been through all the little girl fads - polly pockets, my littlest pet shop, barbies, squinkies, coloring books, etc...  With S's disability its hard to find anything that she is truly into.  If she could read the same book all day she would, she usually ends her day this way.  People ask "Why don't you buy her new books?" DUH!!! We do it's part of who she is.  I thought the little toys would cure her love of random objects, and trash.  How closer can we get to trash and random objects then these little junkie toys?

I think we found our answer in LEGOS.  This is a structured toy, with directions.  She cannot or does not know how to use her imagination, while here it lays it out for you.  She doesn't know what to do on her own and wonders around aimlessly. While LEGOS give you step by step instructions.  Believe it or not but she has been doing them for about 11/2 the LONGEST she has EVER done ANYTHING!!!!   side note: at this exact moment a tiny little fly has distracted her and she cannot re-focus. She is searching for it and wanting to kill it.  She heard it before she saw it.

If you are an Aspie or have and Aspie child - What object or toy do they really enjoy doing? 

Catch-up

We are sitting in the middle of summer break.  This summer break has been anything but "taking it easy."  We have done so much since they got out three weeks ago. We've been to Zion national park, Disneyland, the zoo, SeaWorld, etc...  We have a camping trip planned, and some beach days.  We have also been blessed with my sister who has been visiting us for the last couple of weeks from Maryland.  She has two little girls a 10month old, and 2 1/2year old.  We have a house full of little munchkins.

The one thing that I dont' care for that much during our summer break is the homework that they were given.  They have six weeks off and they are suppose to read three chapter books a week, with an hour of online math a week. So it's about 20 min. a day of math.  I have two kids that have to do this along with a soon be kindergartner that has his spanish immersion preperation work to do.  I should just sign-up for homeschooling now.  Maybe I should think about that - Ummm... no...

The kids are changing so much, watching my sister with her little ones has made me see that my little baby time has flown by me.  I did have the crazy thought of wanting one more but having the litlte ones here the last couple of weeks has made me realize how much I truly love my independency as they are getting older. 

There really have been a lot of changes, almost too many too list.  J is getting ready to enter third grade, S is going to second, M is starting kindergarten and I have one more left in preschool. 

We are still battling our day to day issues with all of them.  I wish I could write that S has dramatically improved but the truth is, things have changed and it seems like they are becoming more and more evident in her day to day life.

God's gift to me

God has gifted me with FOUR different children, each one with their own personality.  I am thankful for each one and the lessons that I learn from them even though, at the time of testing and trails I don't understand why or what I am learning.  There are many of times when I want to be as far from them as I can get and of course times when I wish I could just hold them all day long if they would let me.

Someone once said that I have a household of FOUR strong personalities.  That is so true, I don't worry so much about them because they are all so out spoken.  They adore each other and I don't think they could live life without one of them.  They do quite often have their moments of bickering, tattling, and fighting but at the end of the day it always ends in Love.

We teach them that God gave us to each other to teach patience, understanding, kindness and caring.  As I tell them this, I also have to remember the same.  My day to day life is such a roller-coaster of emotions.  I wake each day with a prayer for strength, understanding and patience.  I have to continue this prayer throughout the day and many times within the first hour of waking up and taking them to school.  Car rides are truly the worst.

My children are in such different phases of life.
J is starting what I would call pre-puberty, it's all about image, still a kid but also trying to understand getting older, testing the limits with mom and dad a little more, oh and starting to like girls but not quite sure yet.  
M is a typical five year old boy and I think that is enough said but he does have his anger issues that stem from his biological parents.  We try to teach him understanding, words, and patience on a daily basis.
K is so strong willed, STUBBORN, she is a diva at full force of four year of age. She will tell you on a drop of a dime her opions. K and M are only 14months apart and very much share a Love/hate relationship during the day. Like a married couple ha ha.
We are all so familiar with S. I don't think I need to explain her to you.  

When you put all of their personalities together and a little spice from S added you can see quite the day of ups and downs.  I often find myself asking "Lord, help me to learn what you are trying to show me.  Help me to show them patience and kindness to be understanding of S and J."  It's so hard to step back from day to day and remember to breathe, and to be thankful that I have them.

At this exact moment in time, I want to cry as our journey with S changes almost daily/weekly.  I got a call from Children's Hospital who is in such a mystification of trying to understand what exactly S has or why she is the way she is.  As I have stated and re-stated with just feel it's Aspergers not yet fully diagnosed, all symptoms would be such if she did not have traumatic background.  However, because of her past trauma, they also feel that , that could have put her emotionally/socially/cognitively behind.  I told them that we have been down this route before and that is what started it all,  TWO years ago that the psychiatrist at the time said nope not trauma "Something neurological is not clicking with her."  I told them that I would be willing to go down this road ONE MORE TIME.  They said these people are specially trained (AREN'T THEY ALL!) and they will address all the above.  If however, they say she is not traumatized then we will be back to regular cognitive training.

They thanked me for being such an advocate for my daughter.  I am not to be thanked, she is my daughter! No matter what God hands any of us we always want the best for our children.  It may not come easy and it may come with TONS/MILLIONS of Ups and Downs.  The lessons that we learn as parents cannot even me taught, described, understood.  They are there everyday though, and by God's grace and strength I grip onto another day.  I am so tired of if all at times but I know there must be no other way for me to learn whatever is I am being taught.

I love S, I love J, I love K and I love M for all that they teach me and for their unwavering love. xoxo

The Truth

This weekend was capped off with a bottle of wine with MYSELF.  Ever since school started back up after spring break, we have been back to the grind of it all with S.   Her anxiety is on FULL SPEED, she is back to complaining before school, whining after school, and her other digestive problems.

Her behavioral therapist is meeting with her supervisor to discuss the route that S's therapy should take weather cognitive or social skills first.  It's hard that she needs these therapies but yet does not have a for sure it's Aspergers'.  Is that because she is a girl and it is not yet viewed differently?

Anyone familiar with the bowel movement problems that some children experience?  She does not like the feeling of emptying her bowels and her body eventually becomes sick to empty itself.  Enough said with details of that.  That is though how my Sunday was spent.  I am calling today a nutritionist and her pediatrician to see what they can help me with.

I feel at times that I have to hide who my daughter is or can be.  She is such an amazing, smart, and happy child.  This is what I want people to see and know.  When sometimes she acts different or we have to stay home because she is having a bad day, I feel that people think it's an excuse, or sometimes I just make up another excuse because I don't want to say "my daughter is having a bad day."   To tell the the truth it's because I am trying my best to stay calm, in my bubble, to handle the situation and anything more to my plate I might blow!  I do lose it at times I admit, trying to constantly have the calmness and peace you need is hard and that is the TRUTH.

CST's

So much to write, so little time. First I want to CONGRATULATE my J on doing a GREAT, GREAT job this weekend for baseball!! He got the game ball. He pitched two great innings, made a great play off the mound to first, and a great play on Third to first.  GOOD JOB J!

Today at his school they start their CST testing.  What is it about these testings? Am I the only parent out there that feels they are putting too much pressure on these kids at too young of an age. J already is fluent in two languages he can read, write and speak in English and Spanish.  For only being in Second grad he is doing math that I remember doing in 4th grade, giving full classroom presentations.  S is on the english side and she is at the same level of math as her brother with reading at a 4th grade level for 1st grade!!!

M had to be tested last week for Kindergarten next year - TESTED?! Remember when kindergarten was finger-paints, coloring, shapes and friends.  All the toys are out of the classroom and its all about achieving a high test score. Yes, I looked at the CST scores when I chose my kids school, it did influence my choice however, I hate watching them worry about it like the SAT's.  

The fun of school I feel has been lost to all this great academics. Yes, my kids are 10x smarter then I was at their age and I am very proud of them.  Society is moving at a greater speed and dual languages is a necessity.  I just wish you could have your cake and eat it too with a little teaspoon of FUN added in.  

I am such that lacker mom when it comes to homework, yes we always get it done and turned in on time. But I like the weekends for them just to be kids and I give them a day during the weekdays to not do homework, and that does mean we are cramming a little more on certain days but to let them play, why not.

I understand now how important it is, to grab onto your childhood. It's going to fly right past them.

Trying to understand

We've been weighing the pros and cons with homeschooling S.  These last two weeks of spring break were actually very peaceful. Or as peaceful as we can imagine it to be.  Once school started everything re-started with it.  The whining, complaining, etc... I believe it's the anxiety that S gets before and after school. I don't think I'm the best for her academically.  For the anxiety?

Hubby and I are both on the same page with believing that it is Aspergers.  I've been reading this book called Aspergirls by Rudy Simone.  It's really interesting, the stims and habits that it describes are S's stims and habits.  It really is helping us understand S. It talks about how the chart of diagnosis mostly diagnosis's girls based on the same traits of boys.  However there traits are the same but different.  They are more socially acceptable.  Example: reading, math, etc...  is more of their obsession verses dinosaurs, trains.  When you look at it S loves reading but she is reading the same book for the last couple of months over and over.  Her teacher mentions that she can't describe how she maintained the answer to her math problems, and this is what they want.  Isn't that a gift though? I wish I could do that.  S's response "I did it in my head."

It's great being on the same page with the hubby.  He reminds me to have patience with S.  That she is different.   The hardest thing to watch lately is her school social life is changing.  She is losing friends because of her difference's and habits.  Girls can be mean and unfortunately it's rare that it gets better first they usually get meaner with age. 

Lately her literally translation of the world is becoming more so .  A little girl fell over S the other day and as usual she did not respond correctly to it.  When the teacher asked her if she did anything S response was No. The teacher took it as a lie but I after talking with S she didn't mean to do anything it was an accident therefore she didn't do it.  The teacher pointed out the girls crying.  "BLANK is tough, look you made her cry." S's response "Why is she crying then?"  S wasn't trying to be rude, she was asking the question.

Also she is having a HUGE, problem with staying in her seat.  She wants to touch the other kids, instruct, help the others.  She knows the rules to ask before getting out of her seat.  She's not done with her work so it's not boredom.  We are at wits end to how to handle it.  Her teacher spoke to her on Monday we spoke to her on the weekend.  When Wednesday rolled around I asked S "Didn't Mrs. BLANK speak to you about this on Monday?"  S - "Yes, she said don't get out of your seat today, but she didn't mention tomorrow or the day after."  AGGGHHH!!!! Can't someone see this?!!! It's not her fault, it's who she is.  And as a parent I have to watch the world move away from her while were trying to fight for her to understand it.

LIfe is still going....

It's been some time since the last time I wrote.  I debated on stopping the blog, changing the title, etc..  A lot of changes have been made in my family and I still don't know how much I can write and not write.   One huge celebration was that we celebrated the OFFICIAL ADOPTION of S and M.  They are now and forever will be our little ones!

Now that the adoption is final, I have been tossing the idea of writing a book about our journey. However, I think that I will add that thought into the CRAZY pile, because as much as I want that to happen, I don't see it happening anytime soon.

Let's just jump in:
S has been going to Behavioral therapy at Children's Hospital Autism Center on a weekly basis.  As you most know they didn't diagnosis her with Aspergers or PDD-NOS (She makes eye contact!) however, they realized that the therapies could be beneficial to her due to her lack of communication skills, and understanding.   She has really improved in a lot of areas, her fits are not a 20 min. hitting and screaming fest.  At this moment she is using an "emotional toolbox" That is a box with a bunch of different calming techniques (breathing, reading, jumping etc...) when she gets upset I send her to her room to find something to calm down then after we talk about it, use an emotional scale to show where she is at, then we have to write it down.

She also has a "play box" since she has a hard time playing or creating her own play.  In this box is a bunch of different activities that she can pick from, then we set a timer for 30min. for the chosen activity.  She is getting the handle of it.  My life is full of charts,  sometimes they work and sometimes they don't.

The whole point of the charts is to teach her to do this stuff on her own, but I'm the one tracking.  At times I want to throw them all away and just give up. "SAY FORGET IT!! I"M CRAZY." Then something or someone sees a change or notices a behavior and I know I'm not. 

Overall her schooling is doing very well. She is above her grade level in most areas and she has friends.  She is still having a few social issues that the school is trying to help with.

So what is the problem then - It sounds like she's doing great?!  Believe me there are still plenty of issues that ensue.

I love her so much that I would literally die for her, I would take my own life if I knew it would someway help. Over dramatic much? No it's not.  Everything I do for her is too try to shape her into a functioning adult that will make rational choices.  Her choices now have NO LOGIC, lying, yelling, etc... it worries me.  It happens at home mostly because they say we are her "Safe Haven" she loves you the most and can let it all out.

Isn't home the most important part in ones life? Home is where you truly become the person you will be.  As parents we are the ones that shape our children, not the teachers.  We are the ones... that matter.  If your home life isn't good, then nothing else will be. So what do you do when things are so crazy at times, are these the memories you are making? 

No they aren't because even during the hard there are tons of wonderful!