It all works out

After school her eyes were glossed, no eye contact, no talking to her friends when they were speaking to her.  I knew it was going to be one for the books. I said a quick prayer for a change of heart or whatever was bothering her.  Since Daddy has left, these last two days have been not so good.  She woke up in a FUNK and wanted  nothing to do with her TERRIFIC morning routine, nicely printed with pictures on display in her room.  That's okay change takes time.

I am very lucky to have the autism evaluation right around the corner.  Why does it feel so far then? Oh I know why, because we are living it everyday.  It's coming at us hard.  We try to dodge it, at times I try to run from it (lock myself in the bathroom -LITERALLY), we are doing our best to be kind in the hardest moments, we ARE the chicken running with it's head cut off.  Yes I know help is on it's why.  It's just that I don't know what to do.  Time-outs are pointless because I spend half the time trying to get her to stay there.  Then she doesn't even know why she's there.  If she does know, she doesn't understand why it's wrong etc..., etc...  They say that we learn from our errors and trails in life.  The only thing is with a typical person those don't come everyday.  With an Autistic person every moment in their life is learning a new rule, behavior, etc... There watching you, imitating you.

Today was such a crazy day beside the typical "Don't look at me! I can't get dressed!, I can't take my clothes off!, My pencil doesn't work!, My stomach hurts, No one likes me, You don't love me!" sort of crazy, dizzy roller-coaster.  Usually at the end of my day, my sanity walks in the door - MY HUSBAND!!
While since it's he's out of town my big freezer decided to not work, a big delivery wants to be delivered but furniture needs to be moved, adoption packet was mailed, life with S in between, PTC board (yes I am insane enough to be on a Parent board), life with K in between, Baseball practice, bike broken, and life with M and J.

Now they are all in bed. I am about to crochet another fun gift for a beautiful friend, apple juice beside me (it's so hot over here I need to hydrate). I DID FIX THE FREEZER all by myself (hit reset on the outlet), I rescheduled the delivery and in between all of the above I booked a Family Vacation for June with a rented RV.  SO PROUD OF MYSELF.  TA-DA!!!

Tomorrow is another day - another day to book appointments for S for therapy.  Another day to not get to finish some project, another day for baseball but, most importantly another day to smile and love each one of my little God given munchkins.   In the end that is what I am called to do, to be the best mommy that I can be everyday.  I know I lose it at times because I am HUMAN but I think I do pretty good job, even when I do think "Gee I suck!"
I remember to breathe, lace up the shoes and put my big girl panties on.