The Weekend Warrior

The weekend came and went.  Daddy is working as much as possible out of town on the weekends. So the mother of four is still somewhat alone. Story of my life...  Thankfully God made me one strong woman.  Weekends are always a roller coaster of up and down emotions.  S doesn't do good on the weekends because there is no set schedule and by Sunday we are a MESS!!!  This weekend I wish I could say was different, a walk in the park, a breeze, no problem. But no it was typical weekend and Sunday.

I will admit that as recently I have become a yeller.  Let me say though that I HATE YELLING!!!  I never really was a yeller, except for the occasional argument with the hubby.  Even that I don't think I would call yelling just a raising of the voice.  S, though within the last two years has drawn me more and more to the darker side.  I hate to say that it's entirely her fault because it's really not.  It's mine, I know.  I'm just exhausted of trying so hard to talk to my children.  I mean, I do, I try really hard to just give it to them simply and honestly. "J please pick this up, J do your homework, then you repeat (x4), add a little ignoring, then a little whining on their end and whada bing, whada band - EXPLOSION!!!!

S it's the same thing - Example: She loves to play with the blinds in her room.
"S did you do this? (blinds are hanging crookedly), No answer from S, then the eyes have become some sort of lying being made in the head.
"S if you did this, please do not touch these blinds. You can touch these ones but you do not need to pull on them. Ok?" Then it starts.... YELLING, STOMPING, SCREAMING and the THROWING....
"S I didn't get mad at you, your not in trouble, I'm just talking and telling you something." Repeat above.
"Now for throwing you can do sentences." REPEAT  ABOVE.  
She finally did the sentences (I will use words when mad.) , it took three hours to write a simple sentence 72x.  But it got done.. and TADA I DIDN"T SCREAM!!! I did however at one point have to grab a neighbor and walk away for five minutes.

My thought is this, if S has a hard time just communicating her frustrations.  Then how much easier am I making it for her if I'm not communicating mine correctly.  I'm not being a good example to anyone, It's not good on my health (I can feel it taking a toll).  And I am starting to be afraid of what life is going to be like as a teenager if this is just elementary.

So wish me luck, on my daily battle.  I know I will lose it because I am human but I am going to try my best and this for me to realize, is a start.