Given how busy we have been, the Lord felt there was more for me to learn about patience. So off I send my husband to work out of town for 4 weeks (I think longer). I was not expecting this, at this moment in time, but oh well. For the next month, I will be alone managing the household. Yes, for the most part I am always alone but, there is something nice knowing that Daddy is going to walk in the door at anytime. Am I scared? a little. Nervous? a little - That's life though. I'm not one to pity myself too long. Just pick it up and keep moving, life goes on. We will be enjoying our last weekend together for awhile. Most of all though I am a little apprehensive to how S will be come Monday when Daddy leaves.
We shared this with the kids last night over dinner. We also explained to them that the reason that Daddy needed to go work out of town was to make more money so that S and M can have our same last name and we can be their forever mommy and daddy!! S and M were so excited by this, M got a huge grin on his face and S had to reinstate everything all over again. This brings me to the adoption. I will never let them go, that is why we are adopting them, they are just as much as my babies as J and K. Recently though, I have been thinking about S with her Aspergers. I tend to let myself and thoughts wonder What If this? What if that? I know it's pointless and a waste of time. It's just one thing to adopt a normal kid let alone one that has a disability, where your whole life has to change.
I've been not wanting to change anything in my life, you think that I would have learned right. I wonder is it wrong of me to just want a little normalcy for while. I don't know, the Lord says that He doesn't give us more then we handle. Mine my insides must be buff.
We love sports in this family, we live on the go. With that though S's Aspergers has been flying high waving all sorts of colors. All the psychiatrists and doctors are telling me that we need to give her more of a consistent schedule, that it is overloading her with our on the go lifestyle. What am I suppose to do? All of this is easier said then done. Daddy and I talked it over a little bit last night and we may have to hire someone on our busy days to stay home with S so that she can have some down time. She probably won't like this but, if she's exhausted I think it's okay if she misses a little game time here and there. Is that wrong? I feel kind of bad? I like my children too always be together. But I don't like rages in public. THoughts?
I will be buying some dry erase boards to help her with a visual schedule of what is expected in her day. Hopefully that helps her to know her routine better in the morning and after school.
My faith has grown so much during the last two years, I have learned to trust in the Lord no matter what we see coming at us or don't see coming. I have walked blindly in faith knowing that he will protect us and guide us. I have prayed for his guidance and to remove things in my life (some he has, others he didn't). Most of all the one thing that I tell myself through all this is
1. Who am I to question the Lord.
2. He doesn't give us more then we can handle. (I must me made of stone then, ha ha)
3. Trust and lean on Him for strength.
4. And I was not created for myself but for Him and for my family.
Wish us luck and I am sure I will be posting about the transition that all this will create. Daddy though will be back for our Adoption Investigation and court dates. I will have to face the Autism appointments on my own. I find myself a lot without words and all I can say is "Lord, oh Lord
A cute S'ism = Sunshinescreen = sunscreen, vocaberries = vocabulary.
Side note on amazement = S loves to read, if you read her something one time, she remembers what you said no matter how long ago she doesn't relate the words though to other books like the here is also the in another book. But, she just impressed me by reading a very big story without messing up. I asked her "Who read this too her before?" My teacher a long time ago. The mind is amazing.
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