Life

It's been sometime since I've posted.  Since our TV has been broken it seems like there is less time for me to just sit.  There is no electrical babysitter to plug them into.  The kids have been finding old VHS movies around the house for the one 12inch TV with VHS that works.  It's sweet watching them all pile onto mom's bed to watch the one movie of the day.  I have been picking and choosing the times they can watch.  The cable doesn't work in our room so all they get is Jungle book, Mary Poppins and any other old movies that I had as a kid.

We had friends that came and visited us for a couple of days and it was sooo.... nice for me to get some adult interaction.  Oh how I missed it and now miss it again.  The kids overall did very well. S had a little break downs but overall did well.  We went to the zoo, crafts and played board games (again no TV for wii, or movies).

To say the truth it's been hard to write lately.  I have been waking late around 9 -9:30am in the morning while the kids are waking earlier and finding something to entertain themselves.  I can't seem to fall asleep until 12am-1am because I need down time so badly and this is when I get it.  I crave to be left alone, just for a little while.  I love my children don't get me wrong but I am going on month THREE of no husband and four children.  I knew when he left that 4 weeks was not the right quote.  I know his job well and his company that you never take what they say add a couple of hours or days to the equation given.    I am lonely and by myself.  Yes I am fortunate enough to live by family but my children are not theirs.  My mother raised two girls but not four kids and 2 more make quite the difference. Yes she does well but anyone that is not use to it can only handle that many for a short time.

I want my husband back so bad, I don't want to talk on the phone anymore with him because I miss him so much and it only reminds me of this.   I am over cooking dinner and feeding the monkeys.  I listed an ad on the local craigslist for help but what do I say spill my life story.  - Mom needs help with two biological children and two that have some issues.  Must be able to handle a child that has no coping, social skills and lacks certain verbal the other will push your buttons to see how far they can get with you. If you can handle four children two with issues then call me. - No it does not say this; it says very little.  The thing that I am finding is the people that respond to the FREE publication are CRAZY.  Now I know why people pay money for an agency.  I have found one girl that decided to describe in detail her life story on taking care of her nieces and nephews because sister had postpartum and mother had some kind of disease that left her alone a lot. The other wanted me to tell her about why I thought she would make a good match. I don't even know this girl.  Crazy people...

Today we had another meeting for S.  They tested her IQ and said she was very bright. Of course she is people, she is very smart I never doubted this part.  They gave me another list of questions to rate on what she can and cannot do.  Oh how I hate answering all those questions, such a pain.  When it came time for me to talk to the counselor, I walked in the office and their was S playing on the floor talking like a baby.  I told the counselor that this is not S's normal voice and that she does that when she is uncomfortable and it usually follows with a tantrum later.  It's a signal to my husband and I that it's  time to go or remove her from the situation.  I showed her videos on S being overwhelmed, bubbled, and not understanding what I have to say.

Her thoughts "Remove S from the situation till she can listen, tell her you won't talk to her till she can calm down".  IS THIS LADY FOR REAL!!! COME ON NOW! That is not how easily it's done.  I told her I do this however, she won't go willing, she turns physical, she's broken her door in her room and does not understand time outs to calm down.  This is what I do but it is hard to walk away knowing something will break.  She also said that she doesn't clearly see the PDD-NOS however she still needs to do the scoring.  She said however, that S has no coping skills, social skills and pervasive language skills.  This is why she can't understand basic No, Yes,  removing of situations/schedule changing, directions and also hot/cold, etc...  all of it has to do with coping involving social as well. That they want to meet with her once a week to develop these skills and that they will help me with her school to get her what she needs there so that she can cope with the environment.    My question is "How is this not ASPERGERS, PDD-NOS?"  It's not that I want the label it's just that without the label it makes it 10x harder to get the help I need at school and out.  It's already hard enough with a label.   I made another appointment for S at children's but not till September so we will go to counseling and see what they offer until our September appointment says otherwise.  The counselor said that some children are just born without these skills and need help developing them.  She will call to schedule and go over the results.  Nothing is final yet but I'm pretty sure once the scoring is done some things may change on her perspective.

It's hard enough in life being a parent let alone adopting two with a traumatic past.  Then having a husband gone.  I am so tired of defending my child and feeling like the world is waiting to tell me "I told you so...." when all I am trying to do is give the best life possible for little girl.