Mommas Anxiety

First let's start out with Positive, I need that right now to reflect on.  

I am so proud of J! A while back we made him decide on the sport that he wanted to play full time.  I know some of you may think 8 years old is a little young to make this decision. But, times have changed and everything is so much more competitive.  For J though he is blessed to be good at both baseball and soccer however after much thought he did choose baseball.  With that he has been playing and practicing a ton.  Well nothing is that simple in my family.... after coming back from camping.  We got an email from his soccer coach that they were forming another team with the players that are little above average (nicely worded). He wanted to draft Jaden and didn't see him trying out, so they pulled some strings, and now my son is playing both soccer and baseball year around.  LORD HELP US!!  I am proud of him and have figured out that these sports won't interfere with each other.

Now with Momma's Anxiety....  the kids start school tomorrow and for anyone that has a child on the spectrum we know the anxiety that comes from them with this.  Is there any way to make this transition easier?  

 Mommas Anxiety - knowing the tantrums after and before school, the issues that may arise due to school, what if she gets the teacher I don't want her to have (we find out today.)

 S has been on one for the last couple of days non-stop.  I try to not let her roller coaster life affect me but, it has me wanting to go into a bubble so bad, just jump in my car and drive, drive , DRIVE!!!   I have been reading Aspergirls by Rudy Simone; in her chapter on meltdowns and tantrums she talks about how parents need to handle it. When your child is one of these meltdowns there is absolutely no LOGIC, that you shouldn't just put them in their room by themselves to figure it out (which I do) but reassure them through their nonsense then help them through it.   I try to do this but after the 5th one in the day I'm done, I need to learn to be more patient. 

The most important thing for me with all my children is for them to know how much they are loved every day.  Most of the time I am so worn out by 10am that I feel that I fail at this.    So much to learn, to much to change.

Send me your tips other parents for back to school anxiety...

A Breather

My in-laws took the girls earlier this week for a couple of days.  Today I am going to go pick them up.  It was a much needed break.  As the name of my blog states I do have four children, two boys and two girls.  I cannot emphasize enough on the differences of my boys and girls. Love them both equally, girls are just a little more work though.  This week I didn't stay home and do nothing like the week I had just my girls, we did just the opposite.  Boys can just keep going and going. We made it too the waterpark and SeaWorld, I was exhausted by the end of every one of those days, the boys however have energy like an energizer bunny.

It was nice to spend time with them.  They talked non-stop, and asked questions, and also held my hand and let me love them.  When I had the girls it was hard to anything. I don't think that was so much because of them being girls but because of S.  The zoo and SeaWorld she doesn't really care for too much, and so what do you do? You let them be happy playing babies at home.

With S's differences and it being summer time it has been very hard.  It seems like every day that my husband would come home, I would give him the warning "She's on one."  You know that song by Drake " F*%# I'm on one...." I always think of that when I say it.  Her going to my in-laws and now coming home, I pray that it was exactly what the doctor ordered. 

The other week when we went camping, we were leaving the campground and like usual at the end of breaks S just lost it.  Daddy couldn't fix it, or mommy.  I finally either was going to hurt her or scream at her so I just grabbed her and hugged her.  In between her sobs she made a statement "Mommy I don't know why this happens.  I hate coming and going. I can't control this, I don't know why this happens." I told her, that I understand that it's hard for her, that she needs to find something that she can make herself happy and calm herself.  That is why we are going to her therapies to help her.  I didn't tell her though that she is overwhelmed, it is who she is and created to be, that she needs to figure it out to help her in life. 

What do you say to a seven year old girl? Her comments of her differences are becoming more often.  She is starting to see them and I have no way to respond to them.  I don't want to tell her she has Aspergers there is no diagnosis. 

School is starting in three days, THREE DAYS!!! I pray she doesn't get the teacher I don't want her to have and I pray she does well. We were talking about it the other day about how she gets out of her seat and walks around.  S's comment "All they want you to do is work and work and I just want to stop! It never stops!" Oh my baby...

I can't wait though to see my girls little smiles, I do miss them when they are gone.  K is something else that little monkey is one chica that can handle her own and she will tell you something on a drop of a dime. 

Or so I thought...

The other day I posted that LEGOS was our answer. Does S like them? Yes she does.  I found though when watching her do them it's like her reading.  She skips steps, puts pieces on backwards but does her best.  Does it hold her attention? Yes.  Happiness and attention at times are all that matters. However, they are back on the shelf.

Having a child with Aspergers or as I like to say undiagnosed Aspergers, has really and is still teaching me to let things go.  As I have gotten older maybe I have become sort of a control freak.  Maybe it's the four kids that I have that I need control or the Virgo in me.  Either way I am who I am. 

When S came into our family.  I had these dreams of having a little girl that I hold, dress in super girlie clothes, do braids in her long hair, play babies, etc...  S does not like having her hair touched, picks at her nail polish, and likes anything but frillies.  If she could wear the same outfit everyday she would (pink shorts, pink shirt)  she actually does.  For a control freak like me she has taught me to let go of the small things.

I have come up with a name for the way she talks called "akward-nisims" it's those strange comments or words that she makes up and in some way makes sense, sounds, and all the different quirks that she does.  The control freak in me wants to fix what she says, calling a merry-go-round, a "festubal" I can understand that in some way.  Not quite a festival but some what.  Asking why her cousins have "spots" meaning assigned seats in the stroller.
With S though there is a normalcy about her that makes you easily forget she is different.  She can hold eye contact for a short period of time and asks questions (not quite a conversation if you pay attention), she looks normal, loves to sing etc.. It's when things are said and done  in her Aspie logical way.

I think because there is not quite a diagnosis YET, that I have a hard time accepting it.  I am blessed that Children's hospital treats her and gives her therapies as needed.  She just started her cognitive therapy. They say she is a little young to start this. When she met with her new therapist, the therapist commented " it's hard to see right away that there are problems. She does a good job answering questions, however if you pay attention you see it's all surface just answering, no conversation, and she's not actually playing with the toys just moving around the objects." They are going to start teaching her to understand feelings and that there is more then just happy and sad (which she has a hard time understanding those) and her social cues which are starting to affect her schooling

To tell you the truth lately as you can tell I'm having a really hard time with S. I have to hold my tongue  on saying "WHY ARN"T YOU  UNDERSTANDING!!!" Everything I say to her she thinks I'm mad, even when I'm not.  I feel bad for her, it hurts as  a parent waiting, watching as schooling, friends, etc..  seem to move away.

Minus Two

Ahhh... (sigh of relief) my two boys are off to my in-laws for a couple of days.  When one or  more children go somewhere it changes the family dynamic. Don't get me wrong, I am a very hyper person that loves having four children.  However, it is nice to  take a little break for awhile.  We don't have a lot of volunteers offering to take all four children at once but two at a time sure I'll take it.  That even makes the sitter cheaper for just two children if we want to go out.  If you don't know it's about $13/hour for four children.  Add's up fast....

I have these visions and dreams of diving into girlie time or abandonning my two girls with a sitter for a litte while.  I would love to do pedicare/manicures with them, paint ceremics, go shopping, watch musicals, etc...   most likely we will stay home, paint our nails here, and do nothing.  Sounds good too me.

We dropped the boys off with their grandfather and then we took the girls to TOYS R'US.  Since we have four children, we rarely purchase them toys other then Christmas.  They usually recycle toys from the older sibling or play with the same toys year around until next Christmas.  Recently though K came and asked us for a new doll.  Her little babies head is literally falling off, the hair is matted and half bald, and the little body is stained with grime.  It looks like an exorcist doll (REALLY!!) .  I wanted to take S with us to get something new. However here lays the problem - S PLAYS with NOTHING!!! 

We have been through all the little girl fads - polly pockets, my littlest pet shop, barbies, squinkies, coloring books, etc...  With S's disability its hard to find anything that she is truly into.  If she could read the same book all day she would, she usually ends her day this way.  People ask "Why don't you buy her new books?" DUH!!! We do it's part of who she is.  I thought the little toys would cure her love of random objects, and trash.  How closer can we get to trash and random objects then these little junkie toys?

I think we found our answer in LEGOS.  This is a structured toy, with directions.  She cannot or does not know how to use her imagination, while here it lays it out for you.  She doesn't know what to do on her own and wonders around aimlessly. While LEGOS give you step by step instructions.  Believe it or not but she has been doing them for about 11/2 the LONGEST she has EVER done ANYTHING!!!!   side note: at this exact moment a tiny little fly has distracted her and she cannot re-focus. She is searching for it and wanting to kill it.  She heard it before she saw it.

If you are an Aspie or have and Aspie child - What object or toy do they really enjoy doing?