What a day, What a day -
The Morning:
Me: S today you can get lunch at the cafeteria.
S: Aww... mom they won't let me eat in the cafeteria.
Me: What do you mean? They won't let you eat.
S: They took my paper card away and told me I can't use it.
Me: What?!
J: No S it's a hard card with your picture on it, just give it to the lady (interupted)
S: No J it's a paper card...
Me: I'll figure it out at school
I check online if my daughter has been eating lunch her balence is at $0. Now I'm curious. We are two months into the school year. S says she has just been sitting their on the days that they are suppose to eat at the cafeteria. We get to school and I go to the cafetria without S. There under her teacher's name is her card with her picture on it. (not a paper card) I tell the teacher that she has not been having lunch when I tell her to eat at the cafetria because they taught her with a paper card and no one told her now she has a real card. HA HA HA. My poor hungry daughter. She was looking for the fake one she learned with..
Later... S got in trouble at school today her first orange card (bad) sent home. Her teacher spoke to me after about how S had a harder time then usual keeping her hands to herself. She wouldn't stop when the teacher asker her too and they spent most of the day in role play to help S. I told the teacher that this is typical behavior at home. I wanted to say "Wow, she most really like you!"
EVENING ... To top it off my A/C is broken in the car. I HATE THIS CAR!! I took them all swimming after to school. I was mainly thinking that maybe this would help J focus on his homework. WRONG!!! I spent most of the evening bathing, cooking and all while Lecturing him on his future with homework - why we do it, who does it, blah blah blah.
Now it's 7:40pm - No dinner for me yet, hubby is still working, I am tired, need a glass of wine a cup of coffee and prayer for a better day tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
The 1st appointment....
This was the make it or break it appointment for me. Or at least it felt like it. I was getting so tired of all the crazy things some of the different doctors were saying. They all wanted to give their opinions with no help or guidance. This including the crazy lady that said my child was not Autistic because she could talk!!!
I never doubted Children's but I did spend the day in prayer. I prayed that the Lord would open these doctors eyes and help us to diagnose S. I still pray this since she won't be seen until the 22nd of September. This doctor heard me explain everything and show a couple of videos. The one thing I forgot to mention was about S's conversational skills but I'm sure that will come up another time.
It seemed like the doctor understood what I was trying to explian. She laughed at the doctor who said the nonsense and acknowledged my concern for S. She understood that children like S can pass under the radar since their problems are mainly out of school. S's teacher wrote a letter as did the school pshycolgist. Her teacher noted concerns or odd behavior she notices in S - "S likes to organize my stuff without me asking, her overly helper skills that get in the way of learning, her touchiness (sensory) with other.. etc...." since her teacher wrote this letter the doctor said that it shows that it's enough of a problem/or out of the norm for the teacher to bring to my attention. Most teachers try to overlook minor issues. I can go on... and on... but I will say the winner of it all and all I wanted was for someone to say "If it is not Aspergers, it does not mean that she won't benefit from the same therapies, and we will give these to her either way..." YES, YES... that is all I wanted.
The other opinion I heard is that it could be emotional regulation problems. The only part of this, that I don't think it is. Is that S has language issues as well. So we will wait and see....
Feeling positive right now and holding on to hope.
I never doubted Children's but I did spend the day in prayer. I prayed that the Lord would open these doctors eyes and help us to diagnose S. I still pray this since she won't be seen until the 22nd of September. This doctor heard me explain everything and show a couple of videos. The one thing I forgot to mention was about S's conversational skills but I'm sure that will come up another time.
It seemed like the doctor understood what I was trying to explian. She laughed at the doctor who said the nonsense and acknowledged my concern for S. She understood that children like S can pass under the radar since their problems are mainly out of school. S's teacher wrote a letter as did the school pshycolgist. Her teacher noted concerns or odd behavior she notices in S - "S likes to organize my stuff without me asking, her overly helper skills that get in the way of learning, her touchiness (sensory) with other.. etc...." since her teacher wrote this letter the doctor said that it shows that it's enough of a problem/or out of the norm for the teacher to bring to my attention. Most teachers try to overlook minor issues. I can go on... and on... but I will say the winner of it all and all I wanted was for someone to say "If it is not Aspergers, it does not mean that she won't benefit from the same therapies, and we will give these to her either way..." YES, YES... that is all I wanted.
The other opinion I heard is that it could be emotional regulation problems. The only part of this, that I don't think it is. Is that S has language issues as well. So we will wait and see....
Feeling positive right now and holding on to hope.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Another Appointment
Tomorrow is the beginning of another round of crazy questions. A new person to evaluate my daughter. This appointment is with Children's. I have told myself this is the last person that I will go too. I trust them, last time they did a good evaluation. The appointment tomorrow is the pre-evaluation. The one where I go in and have to talk about all the things that I see in my daughter that to me are not of the "norm".
I HATE these appointments. It's so hard to talk about all that you notice that your child does not do compared to others. I don't have much to say about it, except keep us in our thoughts.
If you have been through this you know how nerve racking this is. Are they going to see what I see? Am I crazy? Is it really this hard?
I HATE these appointments. It's so hard to talk about all that you notice that your child does not do compared to others. I don't have much to say about it, except keep us in our thoughts.
If you have been through this you know how nerve racking this is. Are they going to see what I see? Am I crazy? Is it really this hard?
Friday, August 19, 2011
The fight for one
S's next autism appointment is coming up. This is the last diagnosis. The last place I went to, I do not recommend. The lady told me all that was wrong with my child and then didn't diagnosis. Because S has had what some would say a traumatic background a lot of people lean on that but, that is not why S is the way she is I feel. So this time we are going to Children's the first place about a year ago that diagnosed her with PDD-NOS.
Lately I keep getting this feeling that people still don't get it. Why do you want to diagnosis your daughter? Why can't you just accept her for who she is? What good is it going to do once you get the diagnosis? It seems like you keep doing this over and over?
Here it is people..... S is my daughter however you may look at it, she is mine. I will fight for her and any of my children for whatever it is that is the best for them. I do accept S for who she is, I love her more then anything I can describe. I accept the fact that she closes up when overwhelmed, that she has fits because she can't describe her feelings, that she would rather read all day then play outside, that she has sensory issues, that she doesn't sleep, etc...
It's not a thing of acceptance. By receiving a full fledge diagnosis of Aspergers it actually will help S with a lot. At this moment S is receiving Social Therapy at school not because they have too but because they are doing me a favor. S does not receive a IEP or 504 and without either one they most likely will not continue to do this. Without a diagnosis I won't be able to have either one of those. The traits of Aspergers is starting to emerge more and more. I'm not trying to fight it, I am trying to help her to understand her world more. In every child they speak of a window, a time frame that is the best to teach your child in. That window I feel like is closing more and more. I feel as if I only have a certain amount of time to pour into her about feelings, understanding others, touching, etc..
I love her and I am only trying to help her so that she wont have to struggle so much. Don't tell me nothing is wrong, I know her the best. I know how many times I have to explain simple things that others just get.
Do you know how hard it is to hear your child's teacher tell you that your child doesn't socialize much? Or to hand over screaming child in the midst of a school yard all because she can't find the words to describe her frustration? To see the look in your child's eyes because you know they know they can't find the words, or to hear them say "Mommy it's so hard to understand ______,"
All I can give is hugs. Hugs are the best thing in the world, they say so much and that is all I can give most of the time.
I love her and I do accept her. I still feel that this doesn't explain much... Every parent wants to help their child succeed and so do I.
Lately I keep getting this feeling that people still don't get it. Why do you want to diagnosis your daughter? Why can't you just accept her for who she is? What good is it going to do once you get the diagnosis? It seems like you keep doing this over and over?
Here it is people..... S is my daughter however you may look at it, she is mine. I will fight for her and any of my children for whatever it is that is the best for them. I do accept S for who she is, I love her more then anything I can describe. I accept the fact that she closes up when overwhelmed, that she has fits because she can't describe her feelings, that she would rather read all day then play outside, that she has sensory issues, that she doesn't sleep, etc...
It's not a thing of acceptance. By receiving a full fledge diagnosis of Aspergers it actually will help S with a lot. At this moment S is receiving Social Therapy at school not because they have too but because they are doing me a favor. S does not receive a IEP or 504 and without either one they most likely will not continue to do this. Without a diagnosis I won't be able to have either one of those. The traits of Aspergers is starting to emerge more and more. I'm not trying to fight it, I am trying to help her to understand her world more. In every child they speak of a window, a time frame that is the best to teach your child in. That window I feel like is closing more and more. I feel as if I only have a certain amount of time to pour into her about feelings, understanding others, touching, etc..
I love her and I am only trying to help her so that she wont have to struggle so much. Don't tell me nothing is wrong, I know her the best. I know how many times I have to explain simple things that others just get.
Do you know how hard it is to hear your child's teacher tell you that your child doesn't socialize much? Or to hand over screaming child in the midst of a school yard all because she can't find the words to describe her frustration? To see the look in your child's eyes because you know they know they can't find the words, or to hear them say "Mommy it's so hard to understand ______,"
All I can give is hugs. Hugs are the best thing in the world, they say so much and that is all I can give most of the time.
I love her and I do accept her. I still feel that this doesn't explain much... Every parent wants to help their child succeed and so do I.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Vacation and More
Where have we been? We've been in Vegas baby!! Daddy and I took S and J to Vegas for a couple of nights. We had dinner at Rainforest Cafe, saw the lions at MGM, more and more food and then the Mystere show. They LOVED the show! I was nervous with all my usual worries of what if's but S was into the whole show and vacation, the show moved at just the right pace, and she enjoyed seeing all the new things. J on the other hand it felt like I had a jr.high, high schooler. He said he loved it but he seemed to complain a lot.
Now of course we are back to normal school schedule. Last post I mentioned how I am trying so hard not to yell. To be honest a couple of times I did feel like I was losing it and maybe I did lose it a little. However ( KNOCK on WOOD) I find that I've been holding it together lately. I've just been turning up my music when S loses it the car, letting myself imagine something calm and relaxing and praying before I feel like blowing.
J has been really been the hard one. His homework is a lot of work in the evenings and I am so tired of getting him to do it every night. It's exhausting. The other day he said "Why arn't you nice?!" My answer "Why do I have to reapeat myself more then twice to get you to do something. If you listen to me the first time then I can be a little nicer." His response NONE he knows what he does..
S has been going to social skills class twice a week at her school. It is such a blessing because she still doesn't have an IEP so they don't have to do this. I asked the psychologist today - "When does this all start working, does it?" Of course there wasn't a direct answer. Just the same you got to keep doing it, it takes time. S can tell me what she is suppose to do when she is calm, how she is suppose to use her words but when she gets mad it just flies out the window. Once a week she has been losing it in the mornings at school when I drop her off. The staff again knows her and me so they just grab her hand from me and walk away. As a mother it is hard to watch your child in full tears being pulled away but I know it is in the best and there is no logic to the fit in the first place.
Her teacher is AMAZING. For the first time someone in the school has picked up on S's tendencies. See most people overlook S because around people she is quiet, a helper, a lot of times she just does things without being asked, a very sweet child. At home we get the other end.....
Her teacher though noticed that S doesn't socialize with the other children a lot, that she likes to organize the teachers stuff (without asking), that she would stay by her all day if she let her, that she is touchy to people (hands, clothes, etc...), that she likes to be the "teacher". See most people want this from their children but not when this is all your child does. So she has been trying to teach her to "use her hands nicely" or re-pointing her to do something else. I feel so blessed by this and somewhat SANE.
Why then do I feel like I am still trying to grab at whatever time I have left with my child? To fill her with whatever it is she needs to learn. I don't know - Maybe I am overreacting? Maybe I am the crazy one? All I know is I still feel like I am doing the right thing and their is something "Just what?"
Now of course we are back to normal school schedule. Last post I mentioned how I am trying so hard not to yell. To be honest a couple of times I did feel like I was losing it and maybe I did lose it a little. However ( KNOCK on WOOD) I find that I've been holding it together lately. I've just been turning up my music when S loses it the car, letting myself imagine something calm and relaxing and praying before I feel like blowing.
J has been really been the hard one. His homework is a lot of work in the evenings and I am so tired of getting him to do it every night. It's exhausting. The other day he said "Why arn't you nice?!" My answer "Why do I have to reapeat myself more then twice to get you to do something. If you listen to me the first time then I can be a little nicer." His response NONE he knows what he does..
S has been going to social skills class twice a week at her school. It is such a blessing because she still doesn't have an IEP so they don't have to do this. I asked the psychologist today - "When does this all start working, does it?" Of course there wasn't a direct answer. Just the same you got to keep doing it, it takes time. S can tell me what she is suppose to do when she is calm, how she is suppose to use her words but when she gets mad it just flies out the window. Once a week she has been losing it in the mornings at school when I drop her off. The staff again knows her and me so they just grab her hand from me and walk away. As a mother it is hard to watch your child in full tears being pulled away but I know it is in the best and there is no logic to the fit in the first place.
Her teacher is AMAZING. For the first time someone in the school has picked up on S's tendencies. See most people overlook S because around people she is quiet, a helper, a lot of times she just does things without being asked, a very sweet child. At home we get the other end.....
Her teacher though noticed that S doesn't socialize with the other children a lot, that she likes to organize the teachers stuff (without asking), that she would stay by her all day if she let her, that she is touchy to people (hands, clothes, etc...), that she likes to be the "teacher". See most people want this from their children but not when this is all your child does. So she has been trying to teach her to "use her hands nicely" or re-pointing her to do something else. I feel so blessed by this and somewhat SANE.
Why then do I feel like I am still trying to grab at whatever time I have left with my child? To fill her with whatever it is she needs to learn. I don't know - Maybe I am overreacting? Maybe I am the crazy one? All I know is I still feel like I am doing the right thing and their is something "Just what?"
Monday, August 8, 2011
The Weekend Warrior
The weekend came and went. Daddy is working as much as possible out of town on the weekends. So the mother of four is still somewhat alone. Story of my life... Thankfully God made me one strong woman. Weekends are always a roller coaster of up and down emotions. S doesn't do good on the weekends because there is no set schedule and by Sunday we are a MESS!!! This weekend I wish I could say was different, a walk in the park, a breeze, no problem. But no it was typical weekend and Sunday.
I will admit that as recently I have become a yeller. Let me say though that I HATE YELLING!!! I never really was a yeller, except for the occasional argument with the hubby. Even that I don't think I would call yelling just a raising of the voice. S, though within the last two years has drawn me more and more to the darker side. I hate to say that it's entirely her fault because it's really not. It's mine, I know. I'm just exhausted of trying so hard to talk to my children. I mean, I do, I try really hard to just give it to them simply and honestly. "J please pick this up, J do your homework, then you repeat (x4), add a little ignoring, then a little whining on their end and whada bing, whada band - EXPLOSION!!!!
S it's the same thing - Example: She loves to play with the blinds in her room.
"S did you do this? (blinds are hanging crookedly), No answer from S, then the eyes have become some sort of lying being made in the head.
"S if you did this, please do not touch these blinds. You can touch these ones but you do not need to pull on them. Ok?" Then it starts.... YELLING, STOMPING, SCREAMING and the THROWING....
"S I didn't get mad at you, your not in trouble, I'm just talking and telling you something." Repeat above.
"Now for throwing you can do sentences." REPEAT ABOVE.
She finally did the sentences (I will use words when mad.) , it took three hours to write a simple sentence 72x. But it got done.. and TADA I DIDN"T SCREAM!!! I did however at one point have to grab a neighbor and walk away for five minutes.
My thought is this, if S has a hard time just communicating her frustrations. Then how much easier am I making it for her if I'm not communicating mine correctly. I'm not being a good example to anyone, It's not good on my health (I can feel it taking a toll). And I am starting to be afraid of what life is going to be like as a teenager if this is just elementary.
So wish me luck, on my daily battle. I know I will lose it because I am human but I am going to try my best and this for me to realize, is a start.
I will admit that as recently I have become a yeller. Let me say though that I HATE YELLING!!! I never really was a yeller, except for the occasional argument with the hubby. Even that I don't think I would call yelling just a raising of the voice. S, though within the last two years has drawn me more and more to the darker side. I hate to say that it's entirely her fault because it's really not. It's mine, I know. I'm just exhausted of trying so hard to talk to my children. I mean, I do, I try really hard to just give it to them simply and honestly. "J please pick this up, J do your homework, then you repeat (x4), add a little ignoring, then a little whining on their end and whada bing, whada band - EXPLOSION!!!!
S it's the same thing - Example: She loves to play with the blinds in her room.
"S did you do this? (blinds are hanging crookedly), No answer from S, then the eyes have become some sort of lying being made in the head.
"S if you did this, please do not touch these blinds. You can touch these ones but you do not need to pull on them. Ok?" Then it starts.... YELLING, STOMPING, SCREAMING and the THROWING....
"S I didn't get mad at you, your not in trouble, I'm just talking and telling you something." Repeat above.
"Now for throwing you can do sentences." REPEAT ABOVE.
She finally did the sentences (I will use words when mad.) , it took three hours to write a simple sentence 72x. But it got done.. and TADA I DIDN"T SCREAM!!! I did however at one point have to grab a neighbor and walk away for five minutes.
My thought is this, if S has a hard time just communicating her frustrations. Then how much easier am I making it for her if I'm not communicating mine correctly. I'm not being a good example to anyone, It's not good on my health (I can feel it taking a toll). And I am starting to be afraid of what life is going to be like as a teenager if this is just elementary.
So wish me luck, on my daily battle. I know I will lose it because I am human but I am going to try my best and this for me to realize, is a start.
Friday, August 5, 2011
School Life
We are seriously back to the routine of school. They are all so excited to be back in as I am too. S seems to be doing a lot better since school is a BIG rountine for her. J is back to normal of crying and getting mad when it's homework time. I hate HOMEWORK time!!! S however it's all that she ever wants to do.
All the kids are starting soccer practice today except for my little K. Poor thing she had to wait thru 3 older siblings that little girl is ready to play some kind of sport. I need to find something to put her in.
Now that the kids are in school, I am extremely busy with trying to get all the school volunteering in order. I am on the PTC board which keeps me busy but most importantly it keeps me visible at the school. I am able to talk to the teachers whenever I need to or vice versa and that is important.
We are still only a week and half into it and S is doing good with her change to ALL DAY school. Her school does a really good with job with trying to help me, help her. S loves to help, it's what she does. They like to pair her with other indiviuals that may be a little handicap in her class so that she can help them with what they need. It gives her confidence in class and I belive with her peers. The only thing about this is that it also makes her think that she is IN CHARGE. The second day I was at school and I was watching her walk back to her class from afar. I was standing there with the school psychologist and special education person. When we see S physically trying to carry a BIG boy... in line. The special ed person hollered at her to put him down. And their is example #1 of thinking she's IN CHARGE. On the third day of school the kids were getting in line by their number order - S is the #1. A little boy was out of his number order so S took it upon herself to PUSH him into his spot, wihich made him fall over because she can be rather rough. I was shocked when I saw the size of this little boy, little is not quite the word to describe him. He was a BIG Boy. The teacher is trying to help her learn to keep her hands to herself.
My only concern lately is that S when she is home seems a little different. She doesn't seem to be trying to play with others too much. After her homework and reading time is done, she wants to still do her other educational books. At school when I do see her on the playground she does the monkey bars over and over, not really chasing or running with others. We went to a family b-day party the other day and she went into her bubble. If the kids were in the jacuzzi she sat by herself in the pool, if they were in the pool she was in the jacuzzi. When I tried to talk to her she was overstimulated and wouldn't talk or make eye contact. This happened a couple of other times too.
There are times when I doubt if she even has ASPERGERS. She seems happy, content, she's not arguing as much with me anymore. She's really trying I can see it. What's hard is to hear her starting to notice the difference - "Mommy I don't like to play outside, Mommy I try to focus so hard in class it makes me tired..., I have a hard time with my shapes." Can they notice these things?
On a positive note - the adoption is going well and we are in a waiting period.
All the kids are starting soccer practice today except for my little K. Poor thing she had to wait thru 3 older siblings that little girl is ready to play some kind of sport. I need to find something to put her in.
Now that the kids are in school, I am extremely busy with trying to get all the school volunteering in order. I am on the PTC board which keeps me busy but most importantly it keeps me visible at the school. I am able to talk to the teachers whenever I need to or vice versa and that is important.
We are still only a week and half into it and S is doing good with her change to ALL DAY school. Her school does a really good with job with trying to help me, help her. S loves to help, it's what she does. They like to pair her with other indiviuals that may be a little handicap in her class so that she can help them with what they need. It gives her confidence in class and I belive with her peers. The only thing about this is that it also makes her think that she is IN CHARGE. The second day I was at school and I was watching her walk back to her class from afar. I was standing there with the school psychologist and special education person. When we see S physically trying to carry a BIG boy... in line. The special ed person hollered at her to put him down. And their is example #1 of thinking she's IN CHARGE. On the third day of school the kids were getting in line by their number order - S is the #1. A little boy was out of his number order so S took it upon herself to PUSH him into his spot, wihich made him fall over because she can be rather rough. I was shocked when I saw the size of this little boy, little is not quite the word to describe him. He was a BIG Boy. The teacher is trying to help her learn to keep her hands to herself.
My only concern lately is that S when she is home seems a little different. She doesn't seem to be trying to play with others too much. After her homework and reading time is done, she wants to still do her other educational books. At school when I do see her on the playground she does the monkey bars over and over, not really chasing or running with others. We went to a family b-day party the other day and she went into her bubble. If the kids were in the jacuzzi she sat by herself in the pool, if they were in the pool she was in the jacuzzi. When I tried to talk to her she was overstimulated and wouldn't talk or make eye contact. This happened a couple of other times too.
There are times when I doubt if she even has ASPERGERS. She seems happy, content, she's not arguing as much with me anymore. She's really trying I can see it. What's hard is to hear her starting to notice the difference - "Mommy I don't like to play outside, Mommy I try to focus so hard in class it makes me tired..., I have a hard time with my shapes." Can they notice these things?
On a positive note - the adoption is going well and we are in a waiting period.
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