Summer in full force

We are fully into our summer vacation for the last three weeks, we are on a year around schedule which gives us only three more weeks to go.   Time is going by super fast.  Unfortunately, this summer all my energy and goals of fitness have been sucked by a horrible virus that is playing tricks on me.  It likes to make me think I'm getting better then come back full force the next day.

The one thing that sucks about year around schedule is that it takes about a month to adjust especially for S.  We are family of four children, and having all four children around 24/7 tends to overwhelm her.  We try to do our best with keeping the kids busy but again I don't know sometimes if that is best.

The school year has been completed and now we are getting ready to move into the next.  So here is what I have learned and what we have decided for next year.  When I signed up to homeschool S I thought that I would just do it for  a semester and focus to get her ready to go back to school next year. However, I have learned that one of the main reason for all her tantrums was her anxiety due to the stress of school (fitting in, kids, noises, learning, etc..) She does seem happier and more engaged, she wants to talk which was hard for her to do a lot of before.   She learns differently than other people and that is ok. She loves history and soaks it in, she learns most things by making them hands on activities.  She likes the schedule and one on one that she gets with me.  I have found that she was at a second grade learning level.  We just are moving into third grade math. She is moving into the fourth grade but for the two days a week that she goes to school we decided to keep her with the third grade group the fourth grade group was 4th-6th which my husband and I feel is too much for her.

In all honestly having S with me 24/7 has thrown Aspergers in my face.  I am learning to truly embrace my child for who they are and all their weird quirks.  It is hard though... I know I must not be the only one that thinks this.  The questions that I face 24/7 are toddler like questions at times because everything is so literal.  The noises.., gestures,... etc.. at times are hard for me. She is becoming more of who she is and is learning to embrace herself.  This is the most important thing, is for her to be proud of being her.  SUPER COOL POINTS: She just performed her first piano recital in front of a huge group of people, she did great. SO PROUD!!!

I quit my job too have a breather when she goes to school 2 days a week. I tend to be overwhelmed at times with the feeling of loneliness that no one understands my life; but to be completely honest, I don't know if I want them too either.  She is who she is and I don't want them to have different viewpoint either.

Let's move on with M.  M is M.. after his diagnosis of ADHD and ODD we have been attending therapy every two weeks. I don't think enough, and I don't quite know how's it's helping either.  I am doing a lot of reading to learn about ADHD and it's quite interesting to learn about.  Everyday is a battle though. I just try to talk and instruct but he acts like a baby and immediately goes into a fit.  Yells when his brother tries to play with him, yells when he doesn't get his way, cries and throws things.  The medication is helping some what but, we may need to up the dosage. It helps him to calm down some of his hyperactivity however, there are other things like the anger that is hard to control.  The anger I believe is more part of the ODD when asked last night by dad "Why do you get so mad when mom just talks to you?"  His answer: "Because I don't like what to do be told what to do."  What am I suppose to do with that?  I handle him and discipline because your diagnosis is not an excuse and I continue to try to guide him after.

With the life that God choose for me, I have to remind myself that this is what I have been chosen to do.  My house is a little messier than what I would like it too be, however my sanity is more important.  I need to take the moments of calmness and soak it up.  I started crocheting again and am currently reading a book on ASPERGERS, another on ADHD and the second Game of Thrones book.

I love reading other blogs about other moms that deal with the same thing.. get gives me hope.  I just watched the movie Temple Gradin (FINALLY saw it!) I was crying the whole time not for Temple though but for the mom.  The fight that she gave was so encouraging...

Patience equals Results

My rollercoaster of a life feels like it's settling down a little. (knock on wood).  I got the results back for M and he was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity disorder) and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder).  As my sister says he has every letter of the alphabet, ha ha..  We have started to take Adderall.  I did a lot of reading up on this, and had a long discussion, many discussions with the hubby.  I believe that we made the right choice.  The first day on medication he got his first excellent day of the school year and since then many good days. NO bad days at school.  His teacher who was not on board at first has even commented that he is doing so well and sees a huge difference in his focus.

I do have to remind myself that this is not a miracle cure.  He still is going  to be attending behavioral therapy and even though he is on medication he does have bad days sometimes.  We have been blessed however that he is not having any side effects.

I have to be honest and say that understanding what was and is going on with M has been difficult.  I don't regret the choice that I made of adopting my babies, I know that they are a blessing to me and I couldn't imagine life without them.  It wasn't anger that I felt when I realized that M needed help, I best can describe it as fustration. Frustration that I have one with Aspergers and another with ADHD. I wanted to yell at the Lord "ANYTHING ELSE!" I may have actually yelled that. I cried out of fustration. However, we are working through it.

With all that is going on with M and homeschooling S this year, I decided to stop working part-time. I was only working two days a week to keep some of my own idenity. I loved teaching, and to be honest I'm really good at it.  Homeschooling a child and one that questions the whole world constantly is like having a toddler 24/7 with you.  I need to try to take the two days that she goes to school and breathe a little.  

The funny part is that since I love CHAOS though I decided to take on the position of PTC president.  I was nominated without really asking to be, and decided to accept.  Parents that have a little more in their life than others are just made differently I guess.

I felt very much in my bubble lately with everything and was struggling to see God's presence in all this.   Sadly an old friend of mine suffered a loss and it helped me to see God in so many ways than what I was viewing him as.  If you have a chance check out their story.



Life is all over the place.  It's hard to see the light sometimes, we just need to hold on a little longer.