Being a mother of two children with some kind of disabilities is not for the faint of heart. There is an emptiness, a feeling of feeling lost, blank that you can't quite explain. You are doing your best for your child because you have a unconditional love that really only can come from GOD. I do believe that anyone that has child with disabilities believes in GOD somehow. You have to find something to draw your strength from because your own strength runs out fast!!!
I have been through so much with my S! I am learning everyday and can never read enough books on Aspergers. The one thing though that I never find though is that book that explains too you how you feel as a parent with a child with Autism, Aspergers, ADHD, whatever it may be. There isn't a book that says "We get it.." , "When you feel lost.., which will be most of the time." "How to live on the verge of screaming, crying and rejoicing daily.."
It's not so much S, now. I homeschool her and now it's about me dealing with Asperger's in your FACE on a day to day basis with no breaks. What's really going on is M. I am reading books about ADHD/ODD now and trying to figure out where does it start and where does it end. Can you really point that out? Or, is that even fair to point out?
I'm lost.... It hurts, honestly there is just this crazy emptiness and lost feeling that you keep thinking and praying "What do I do?" "How do I do this?" My house feels at times like a roller-coaster... you never know which kid is going to give you which attitude. One minute S is fine and the next she's yelling at someone for touching something. One minute M is fine the next he's bouncing of the walls or hitting someone for looking at him. I don't know at times with him what is the truth or a lie, and he's only 7. How many more day's will I be able too carry him into the car? Or make him brush his teeth, and take his medication?
I know as parents we are not alone but as a parent with multiple disabilities under her roof, I wish there was a how-to book. How to parent a child with disabilities... How to understand your own feelings in all this.. How to cope day to day.. When you want to give up, don't.... Is there light at the end of the tunnel? What about my other children and my marriage I need to focus on? How much is over protecting them and letting them learn? When do I stop making excuses for them? Will I go crazy over time? Maybe I already have..
I have this really great book idea for parents of a child with special needs, it would be collection of essay's or short stories from different mother's perspectives on how they cope. (Send me message if interested)
One thing I have learned is the meaning of unconditional love, that is something that is unexplianable. If you are a parent of a child with special needs then you get this.
