My reasons..

I've been meaning to write this post for awhile, it's just been a matter of time.  I have thought about it in my head tons of times as well as talking to my husband about it...

A couple of weeks ago, I was out with some friends and we were discussing our children as mom's will do.  It somehow ended up on me and my four children.  They were talking about K being my favorite and she could do no wrong. I told them that they were wrong, that she does get in trouble for the way she speaks but at home.  The reason they brought this up was regarding S.  S is their joy, she can do no wrong in their eyes, the sweetest child, pure in all ways and doings.

I sat there and listened and tried too comment that they have No idea of my day to day. But instead of fighting, I sat back and took it.  See, what they see is my frustrations when S chooses certain things.  They see me talk stern too her, I never hit or yell at her but scold yes I do, usually though it takes a lot too get me there..

They don't see that, ALL DAY I have had patience with her. I have dealt with at least THREE tantrums that day that last an 1 hour too 3 hours, then the next one starts.  
They don't see me, homeschooling with Love and patience for my child who struggles with so many subjects.
They don't see me crying alone or too my husband in my room, and not the crying of little tears but the one that shakes your whole body.. 
They don't see the time that I spend reasoning with Love and patience too her for things such as why she has too take a shower out of routine, or put something away...
They don't watch me give her the Autism hold that I have to do sometimes too help her body relax..  
They don't feel the loss that I do, on not knowing what to do with my child, or what is best for my child, the feeling that everything you choose isn't the right choice but maybe it's better than the last.  
They don't know what it is like too NOT know How to TEACH, COMMUNICATE and PARENT your child... 
They may not know the feeling of TRULY living in FAITH everyday because you don't know anything and YOU REALIZE that you don't know anything - ALL THE TIME!!
They don't know what it's like daily too pour out unconditional love and a lot of times get nothing back..

  All they see is the smile on her face, the one she gives everyone even when she is confused, lost or scared. At home Mom and Dad handle the anxiety, the confused child, the scared child...

I do have too say I am blessed that S can communicate, laugh, talk, cry, and at times tries too joke around..  I know things could be worse - A lot WORSE.  I just want people too sometimes have a clue on the REAL DEAL, the one that I don't share all the time, the one that they don't see.. Don't judge me, because I don't share all my details... you think you know but no you Don't not really and HONESTLY I don't know if I want you too. I don't want that pity look, or thinking I'm asking for the pity look.