Of course as we know the more that we grow with ourselves the more that life gives us to understand. I always felt that unconditional love is something that every spirit, every person is striving to learn. However, I have always felt an extra pull in that direction. I knew at a young age that I wanted to work with disabled kids, I wanted to help them, help the world, adopt a child, live and fight for those with no voice... BIG dreams for a little KID. Of course this could say a lot about my childhood but we will leave that as is..
When things happen in life so fast you don't even have a moment to really think about it. Some things just feel right and you have to have FAITH too trust that and move with it. I wouldn't change my life for anything no matter how hard it is. I know that in the DIVINE plan of this world I was meant to be S's mom and my little man M's mom.
I wish I could sit down and write that S has been magnificent that she has grown in leaps and bounds.. that there is no problems except that of a typical 11 year old girl. I can say in positivity that she is attending a public school and with a lot of help has met all her IEP goals and is doing well!! So let's take a moment to say YEAH S!
Now... onto something new with all that has been going on and all the years of all sorts of Therapies.. Here is the list of that we have done and tried..
- Trauma
- Cognitive /Austism
- Behavioral /Austism
- Alternative (Diets, natural medicine)
- Doing Nothing
- Homeschool
- Speech
- Regular Therapy
Her most recent Therapist of little over a year feels it's R.A.D (Reactive Attachment Disorder) - Reactive attachment disorder is a rare but serious condition in which an infant or young child doesn't establish healthy attachments with parents or caregivers. Reactive attachment disorder may develop if the child's basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren't met and loving, caring, stable attachments with others are not established.
In other words this happened far before S was ever a part of my life. Well.. we saw someone new that works with R.A.D and other disorders. She feels it's a mood disorder that given the family history is genetic. Just as we inherit our color of eyes, hair we inherit Brain Cells that contain this. We are not labeling as bi-polar or R.A.D but just a mood disorder. The doctor was very familiar with what we are dealing with; the constant fight for control. The violent outburst, the tantrums, unreasoning, no remorse, etc.. This does affect her cognitive, and her anxieties. Without meds and once Estrogen kicks in, it will get worse. Every time she is having a fit she is killing Brain cells due to her brain being trained to behave this way it literally cannot function any other way without help. OK.. I don't want to talk about it anymore. With all that said we are trying meds... I am not excepting a miracle but am accepting help.
Unconditional Love is this ... I vow to you spirit to spirit that I will forever fight for you in this lifetime to release this. To get the help that you need in whatever shape or form that may be. I will always love you no matter how mad that you may get, no matter how hard you may push me or say you HATE me. That I will still stand by your side when you say "get away" or "your so mean". You are mine forever and it's ok to be different, it's ok to need help, it's ok to be you, it's ok to be mad, sad or glad. You have a right to your feelings, we just need to learn how to manage them.
I wish that I could take it all away for you. That there was a magic pill that forever would make it ok. That you would be "normal". That the past of this wouldn't be attached to you. But you are you and that is how you were made... YOU WILL become a successful adult, happy adult and loving adult. I will never stop. I love you .
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